Ministry sources inform us that the Londonist has been poking around various museum curatorial departments. Do you have any mystery objects, they ask? Oh Londonist, you clearly don’t know museums very well do you. Let us guess, no one has been willing to give you a response? Here's why:
You are probably never going to find the arc of the covenant in a museum store. Sorry to disappoint. |
1) Museums
do not want to tell you that they have mystery objects. Why would they? Museums
are supposed to be places where we tell the public what stuff is. Why would
they ever admit to you that they have no idea 90% of the time? When I mentioned
your question to several museum friends of ours, all they could do was laugh at
this question. All the objects are mystery objects they said with a rueful
mirth. Really museums spend a large proportion of their time researching what
they already have, trying to figure out what the bits in this box are, or what
this gizmo does, who that shoe belonged to or whether this scroll as any
historic significance. In fact, this aspect of museums has it’s own department:
research and documentation or often, collections management. Solving the riddle
of mystery object is literally a full time job. But museums don’t want you to
know that, so they probably said something vague about collecting policies. Are
we right or wrong?
We googled mystery object and got this. About accurate we'd say. |
2) The
other reason why museums won’t give you an answer to this question is that mystery objects are genuinely not going to be interesting to you. If we do not
know what they are, how are they interesting? It is not as if museums are
hiding vastly complex pieces of alien technology that we have people in lab
coats performing tests on. About 87% of the time, a number drawn from extensive
research undertaken by the Ministry, mystery objects are just bits of other
things that have fallen off and we don’t know where they go. Mystery objects
are nuts and bolts, computer circuits, pieces of leather or broken ceramic,
plastic things with point bits, or tangles of ship model rigging. We are very
sorry to disappoint you Londonist, but museum store-rooms are not like the
warehouse in Indiana Jones. They are not full of gold that we just haven’t
found yet. Depending on the museum they are usually full of bones, bits of
leather, dusty machinery, or paperwork in boxes. The museums aren’t telling you
about their mystery objects because they know you won’t care even if you did
know.
We will say as a disclaimer, from time to
time museums un-earth beautiful mystery objects. Maybe it’s a piece of
equipment that belonged to a famous scientist and we never knew. Maybe it’s a
painting not correctly attributed. But we promise you a museum won’t tell you
this either because they are already planning an exhibition about it.
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